Trying to Take the High Road

You know that sick-to-your-stomach, deep down ache? I'm so tired of it. I'm not sure how to make it go away except to keep moving forward, reaching for my goals and being the best Mom I can be in the process. I try so hard every day to do whats right and leave the world a happier, better place behind me. Certainly not always successfully! But I throw myself into it and choose to put myself out there. And it hurts when others make it clear they find me lacking. Perhaps still remnants of so many years trying to make everyone happy- but I also believe that as humans, we thrive on acceptance and
love. Thus it would only make sense for a lack of acceptance and/or love to leave a person feeling pretty crummy.

In many ways, as much as I hate the prejudice I encountered, it helped me to think creatively. I looked outside the box and considered options that weren't designed to make people happy but rather to decide what was in the best interest of my kids, what was best for me. And the results so far surprised me. I successfully found a creative solution that also gave a beautiful person I don't always agree with a well-deserved place in my children's lives. And when I set that plan in motion, I was able to smile and feel the 'right-ness' of it.

Soul Freedom by Michelle Wiarda

Its hard to see what the best options are because I know right now my vision is clouded with pain. All of me wants to pack up my car in the middle of the night and just leave town. Try to find a fresh start. But it would be the equivilent of flouncing out the door just to make a statement. Rather than trying to make a statement prejudiced people are going to find silly anyway, its better for me to revise some of the ways I was going to try to reach my goals and do it right. I'll still walk away. But I'll do it with my head held high and a smile on my face.

I'm still trying to answer so many of those big questions that have plagued me for a while. The main one being, in what area of the world do I want to make my home? If I could just figure that out then my goals would be so much easier to chase!