There is a lot of focus on women and building self esteem in them, positive body image. As a mother and a woman myself, I can jump on board with that. I can see that there is a long way to go before women value themselves enough to stop allowing others to treat them badly or feel poorly about themselves because they look different from what we are bombarded with on TV and in magazines.
However, I am also the mother to a young man. Yesterday he used my computer to type up an essay that his Language Arts teacher assigned. He got to choose the topic, and, being the creative little dude he is, he chose himself. The first paragraph is lovely. It talks about books and how much he loves to read certain ones- always a thrill for this mother to read. However, it is after that point where the reading got sad.
Wow. I was going to copy and paste a portion of what he wrote in here but when I opened the file, I discovered that he had revised the writing and the sad portions had disappeared. So instead I shall have to put in my own words what I read. He said that everyone hates him. That it is just a simple fact and that trying to explain why would take too many pages. He said that life is unfair and that once he was told to shower and clean his room and then got in trouble for doing so.
Reading it in his own words has so much more impact, but here are my impressions and concerns. He was so matter-of-fact. He simply was stating what he believed to be true. I don't remember the incident where he got in trouble, but it is something I am going to talk to him about because it clearly left an impression on him.
Guys seem to just hold things in more, at least verbally. And then when you've got a young man like my son, who has been taught not to fight and because his father was out to sea so much, essentially raised by females, he just holds most everything in. To believe so completely that you are hated must be crushing.
I feel so frustrated because this is an issue that I have tried to help him with in the past. I want him to see the value that I see in him. I know that I'm his Momma so of course I see value in him, but there are others who do as well. How does a parent go about showing their child that they are amazing and loved when they are also attending school, where young people are cruel. I read once that for every negative thing that a child hears, they need to hear ten positives to balance it out. Thats just to balance it. Now, figure how much negative this child hears in middle school. I'd have to be talking nonstop about his awesomeness to have a chance at counteracting it.
So. This is just a peek into one struggle with one young man. Look at the young men around you. Are all of them muscular, confident, ruggedly handsome hunks of humanity? If not (and clearly the answer is NOT), they are struggling with their own issues. Sometimes I think that society has swung so far in the direction of helping women that men are not able to get the help they need too. Yet another example of balance being important.
