A Letter to Myself

Dear One-Week-Ago-Self,

Hey it's amazing what you can learn in just a week! But trust me, I am sure if we give ourselves another month or two this is going to be a lot easier.

So the first thing you need to know is that it's going to hurt like hell. You're going to second guess yourself and you're going to miss him. You're going to be so tempted to call him or write him and you're going to stalk his facebook page because, let's face it: you're crazy like that.

But, the second thing you need to know is that it's really normal to feel this way. It means you're human and more than that: you're brave enough to put your heart out there and genuinely love. That's growth right there and damn it, we aren't going to lose that. No matter how much it hurts.

And the third thing you need to know: You are doing the right thing. You need to respect yourself enough to walk away when someone can't or won't care enough to follow through on promises. You've given a lot of chances and been very clear. Now the time for talk is done. It's time to take action and stand up for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

Love,
Me

Diving into the shallow end of the pool

I did it. I dove head first into dating and actually ended up in an honest to goodness relationship. Yeah. Crazy!

It does explain some of my absence- I found that investing myself in a relationship takes a hell of a lot of time. But naturally I'm back. And the relationship is over. I guess that's to be expected but if we went into every relationship expecting it to end then it wouldn't be much of a relationship so I feel justified in saying I'd hoped this one would work out. Would last.

This morning I was out on my walk and felt the loss of being able to talk with him. Especially since at the moment I have to much to say giving that I'm quite hurt and angry over the whole thing! So I wrote him in my head. And writing him an e-mail sounded like a perfectly reasonable thing to do... except that doing so would draw him back into my life. That's not right to do for either of us. So I remembered my blog. And hell, what better solution to not writing a now ex than to pour my heart out to strangers via the world wide web? Far more reasonable of course.

Life really is so crazy.

I'm planning to come back in here and write about more solid things later- maybe. Still deciding given that this is a public place even if not many visit. But right now I feel a bit lost, without direction. I've not talked with any friends about the relationship ending. I've been dealing with it on my own as best I can which I suspect is not healthy but I honestly don't even know how to reach out right now or who is emotionally safe to reach out to. So public (mostly) anonymity it is!