Searching for my Faithful Friend

My dog went missing a little more than a week ago. I knew I loved him. But I hadn't realized just how much, nor had I realized how much I depended on him. For a small creature he had a big job! He was my companion, especially now that the kids are older and its so uncool to go to the beach and various parks and hang out with Mom. He was a persistent snuggler- I am not a fan of warm furry little bodies snuggling close to me but he insisted upon it and guess what? He won. In fact, he managed to monopolize the majority of my queen size bed. He has me so well train that I still stick to my side of it!

It is the little things that add up and leave me now a sleepless wreck. Every time I would stand he would dance about, so very excited at the prospect of whatever nonsense we were about to do. Any food I wasn't keen on he was happy to assist in making disappear. And when bedtime came he would dance ahead of me down the hall, making sure I was following, then snuggle in as soon as I got settled. In the mornings I still wake confused at not seeing him bouncing around next to me, excited to start a new day. How could I not waken and get the day going when greeted with such joy?

Its not that he is perfect- far from it. But as seems to be the case in relationships, it is those imperfections that make him uniquely him and in a delightfully strange way- perfect.

Since he has disappeared I do not know if he is alive or dead. I do not know if he has a place to sleep and food to eat. I know he is a touch, brave little guy- before I adopted him he lived under the bridge in Anchor Point (like a little troll). Somehow he survived through that time. Its possible he is surviving now. But I have his advertised on the radio, flyers hung and passed out around town, pictures and description in with animal control and all the local vets. There are a few possible sightings but none in the last few days.

Which leads to the big questions in my mind now. I do not want to be unfaithful to his memory and put my energies toward "getting over" his loss. What if he is found tomorrow? And I cannot keep going with so little sleep, this constant, urgent need to comb the woods and streets for him, the persistent worry for his well-being. There has to be a happy medium, I simply have not found it yet.

There are a lot of scary potential tales out there: several days ago a larger dog who had been missing was found in Nikiski. He had been tied up and beaten to death. There are rumors of people in town with baited traps who take animals far away from town to release them (a sick hobby?). In Fairbanks there was a huge increase in the number of missing pets to the point that the police got involved. They discovered a man who was abducting the beloved family members in order to skin them. He kept the pelts and have a giant dumpster full of the poor animal's carcasses. An eagle would be very capable of hauling away an animal Alexander's size and there are reports of giant owls in the immediate area who are killing small dogs and eating them on the ground. Then of course we have the ravens. Not something I would expect to be an issue: but they have been spotted ganging up on larger dogs and pecking them to death. I can only imagine what the poor creatures would have to do to offend the ravens to that point. And of course, the bears are waking from hibernation.

I want to be there for my dog. But I also need to find a way to sleep and get out of this horrid funk.