Fairy Tale

What little girl doesn't hope for a fairy tale ending to her life? Granted, tomboys such as myself had rather twisted fairytale dreams for the future: I was wishing for a pirate to swoop in and carry me off to sea with him and his rowdy crew (a pirate is far more fun than some boring old prince!). Of course I also planned to be the first woman president. How the two would mesh I've no idea!

In many ways I've never grown up. Because I keep looking for and expecting a fairy tale.

I wish for a man to come along and fall head-over-heels for me. Send me flowers and suddenly find himself so enamored that no other woman even appeals anymore. And ta-da! Happily ever after. I've been married. I've been divorced. One would think after all of that, the secret, deep place inside me that wishes for such a miracle would have shriveled up and died. Alas it has not.

It is not for lack of trying on my part and from those around me. One of my sisters bluntly told me that a man is not going to come into my life as long as I look the way that I do. And I was raised with the knowledge that men are attracted by what they see. Then through life I learned the hard way what guy are attracted to: Thin, short, perpetually chipper... etc. I was pleased to learn in my later teen years that different guys are attracted to different looks. And to some men my appearance was appealing. I got married with the fairy tale idea that he would want only me. After all, why get married if you are going to be looking for fulfillment elsewhere?

I've certainly moved past the idea that life is without struggles and that marriage is fun all the time.

But I still wish for my own little version of a fairy tale.