Just. Shut. Up.

I've heard all the wise quotes about thinking before I speak and it sounds like a simple enough task. I know some people around me wonder how I get myself into so much trouble. But it's not me, I swear: it's my big mouth!

I have learned some very important things.

1. It's not my job to offer my opinion to other people. Even if they are being really stupid and desperately need it.

2. Edit, edit, edit. Try to find the shortest way to get across what I'm trying to say. Both in writing and on paper.

3. People might say they want to hear my opinions and ideas: most of them are lying.

4. Speak with my actions more than my words

All of those things are lovely. And challenging. I'm still working on them. And I catch myself wandering off on verbal tangents frequently. Intriguing the way that when I pour my heart into something I have written, it is hard to edit. The slash of the pen is like a knife. And I worry: where is the line? If I take out too much then I lose my voice, the writing is no longer really uniquely mine. But leaving too much loses the reader.

My oldest daughter is like me. Before I made this realization, I was getting increasingly irritated because she would not just say something. No, she had to give examples and anecdotes and by the time she made her simple request or comment I would be so irritated I was grinding my teeth. Then I had a light bulb moment. I do the same thing. That young woman is me. I make people grind their teeth! A horrifying discovery for certain.

I had that discovery confirmed when I caught myself going off on a tangent (about the kids... that shouldn't count should it?!) in an e-mail conversation with my ex. And when I caught myself I explained my latest insight and "oh haha I likely drive you bananas with all my chatter" to which he replied.... nothing. That was clearly an opportunity for him to say oh no, I like to hear about the kids and whats happening in you all's lives! But no. I drive people nutty.

And so what sounds like the simplest of things is another mountain I need to climb. Learning to just shut up.